Nearly Halfway...

Is it just me or do I look bigger than 18 weeks? I realize it's been a few years but I have had four children....you would think I would know. Anyway....I had to get my calendar out to see how far along I am. It's crazy to think I'm nearly half way done. Where has the time gone?
We plan to find out what we're having next week. Brad mentioned not finding out. He may as well have spoken in Latin. I have no box for that! There are gowns and onesies to buy and I'd rather not have ALL yellow, white, and green.  But it HAS been so much fun telling him, "That's okay. You don't have to know. I'll just find out and not tell you." I plan to see how much fun I can have with that. I figure I can make it last a least several hours. 

Avery has been my sidekick more than ever with Jake and Reese in school. She was lost the first couple days but now seems to thrive on the time with just the two of us.

 

Didn't mean to cut my head off in every single picture but that's pretty much what happened. My "backdrop" is my partially primed dining room.   It's such an accurate portrayal of the current state of my life. Really is. And it's okay....attempting to learn to be content in whatever state I find myself. 

Quick Mommy story. The other day at the pool, Reese decided to swim to the deep end with her new, much more advanced swimmer, friend. I'm in clothes. It was going to be a quick pool trip but from my perch, I see her half swimming, half bobbing in "over her head" water. The amazing thing was even though she was really struggling, she kept right on going, looking at me every time she surfaced. "Reese! Turn around and go back!", I half spoke and half yelled as I casually walked to the pool's edge. (Trying to remain calm....the thought of drowning is almost more than I can bear and this little girl has already had one episode in water that will never leave my memory) At this point, she really couldn't get back. I waited a few more seconds til I succumbed to that instinctive, no thought, head first dive into the water. There was a really sweet Mom on the steps, dressed to swim, saying, "I'll get her" as she slowly strolled through the water. I figured she would have gotten to her just fine but she wasn't moving quite fast enough to satisfy me! (Plus, she wasn't aware of how long Reese had been bobbing)

 The funniest part was when I got my hands on my second born, she had this perplexed look on her face and asked,
"What did you do that for?"
To which I dryly responded,
"Because you can't quite swim in the deep end, darling."
"But you have your clothes on!" 

I just smiled, rolled my eyes, and marched myself to the steps.
They really have no idea how much they're loved, do they?
      

                                                                                ~Reese and Lauren~

~Stacey

The last couple weeks have been strange for so many reasons. The amount of time I've spent blogging or on fb has been practically nothing of late.

My life has been the extreme opposite of what it was this time last year. Last year, we lived in a town from August to June while Brad was completing his fellowship. We lived at the end of a street in a new development and met only a couple neighbors the entire time we lived in our little rental house. I'm 99% sure I was the only person home during the day. I felt so isolated the entire time we were there. We homeschooled, had it done within four hours, then attempted to fill the remaining time until Daddy came home. It sounds pathetic, but if I had to describe our time there, I would say, "Yawn". At times, it was MIND NUMBINGLY boring. We had fun, spent lots of time playing and I kept telling myself to enjoy the slow pace, but after a while, I was ready to pull my hair out. I did my best to "bloom where I was planted" but it's hard for me to really plug in quickly.

We move here, begin the unpacking process, had a really nice summer.....we were finally in the place we had spent the last 12 years trying to get. We made the surprising decision to put our two "big" kids in school...... which by the way, has been the most interesting thing ever.  I realize for someone who has never entertained the thought of homeschooling, that's a weird thing to say.  BUT, for those of you who are or have homeschooled, you may better relate to my awe and wonder at this whole school decision. We're a little more than a week into it, but I'm still amazed by the obvious peace in a decision I NEVER thought I would make. Had you asked me even three months ago, I would have said, "No way, Jose".  The verse in Psalms that says, "The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps" has never been more true for me than in these last weeks. Me, being the planner that I am....someone who really wants to know every detail about what's going to go on even in the distant future, to witness God lovingly, peaceFULLy change my direction so decidedly, is nothing short of a miracle!

Learning not to lean on my own understanding but rather to be flexible, trusting Him to change my course even on short notice is a nice place to be. (Also learning I can just take things one year, one month, and even one day at a time...I don't have to know what I'll do next year.....just today.)

It's been a busy week, adjusting to the school routine. Getting up way earlier than I ever had to last year, enforcing early bedtime, packing lunches, going to school meetings, and having other "normal" appointments, has forced me to be more productive than I would've thought possible with so much time spent running around.

Brad started work last week and had his first surgeries this morning. He's thrilled to finally have his own patients and feels incredibly blessed with the group he joined. He loves, loves, loves what he does...I can't see him doing anything else. ~

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Easy hasn't quite grown into his ears yet!

When I think summer, I think heat. And let's face it, we gotta WHOLE lot of heat left before we hit autumn! However over the years, August has become a school month. "Back to school" clothes now have to be summer things even though the stores and catalogs are bursting at the seem with plaids, sweaters, and wool. 

~Riding the "Mountain Goat"~

~Sweet Feet~

~Up Close and Personal~

~Can I Touch It?~

~First Theme Park Experience~

It's 10:34 and I'm tired. The kids are so excited about school.....I need to at least not cry when I take them. (For their sakes!) I'm going to miss them. I know that for a fact.

Don't we all cringe a little when the news comes on? I do. I'm convinced the media in general, thrives on causing fear and dread. However, at times, I'm compelled to watch because I believe being  at least somewhat informed is the responsibility of the citizens of any nation. I believe in being willing to communicate your values, to fight for freedom, and take a stand for those things at the core of your being. I believe if we stray very far from our foundations, we will at some point cease to be a truly free country. 

I can get pretty fired up about things I see and hear in the "political realm". I find it incredibly frustrating to see things that make me feel like we are on the verge of imploding. "To fall apart from within"....."self destruct".

I've been mulling over a lot in recent days about the earthly vs. the eternal things of life. How do I strike that balance of caring about the state of mankind and still understand the eternal insignificance of physical hardships?

How do I stand firm in "wrong is wrong" but not live in a constant state of irritation or anger at the lack of character and judgment that plagues so many people?

One beautiful evening I was standing on our back deck. The sky was amazing, a gentle breeze was blowing, and I couldn't help but be reminded how much bigger this picture is. God is not limited by what we see. He's not sitting up in heaven, wringing His hands over the  state of the world. (For someone who tends to take everything on herself, this is really good news! )

2 Thessalonians 2 talks about the second coming of Jesus. Paul talks about the man of lawlessness who opposes everything that is called God. He goes on to say,

"For the secret power of lawlessness is already at work; but the one who now holds it back will continue to do so till he is taken out of the way. And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord Jesus will overthrow with the breath of his mouth and destroy by the splendor of his coming."

Stop. Read that again. All this stuff we see....the dishonesty, corruption, lying, secret ulterior motives, selfish agendas, sick desires for control and power, God is still ruling and reigning.    

Of course, we KNOW this, but do we really KNOW it?

In the spiritual realm, He is standing between us and the one who desires nothing more than to destroy us. Our enemy is undoubtedly at work in this world but no more than Almighty God is allowing.  Imagine a dam with a few breaches, water spews out of a crack or two, but there stands a Warrior, bigger than the dam, keeping it in place. Fighting for us. 

"whom the Lord Jesus will overthrow with the breath of his mouth and destroy by the splendor of his coming."

So, here's the exciting thing about living in a depraved world. The thing that makes me different is my SOURCE. Where does my life come from? Who or what am I looking to to meet my needs? Am I looking to my money to make me secure? Am I looking to my great health care providers to take care of my body? Is my burglar alarm, dog, or gun keeping my safe? Is my big SUV the thing that I'm counting on to keep me alive in a wreck?

WHO OR WHAT AM I DEPENDING ON TO COME THROUGH FOR ME?  When disaster hits, do I throw in the towel?  These are rather pointed questions I've been honestly asking myself lately.

If I could choose a banner to be the story of my life, it would be the message in the following encounter.

"O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
Daniel 3:16-18

What resolve....what resolution. How exciting it is to serve a God who is always able to deliver us. How awesome to be so changed by His love, that we are committed to bowing our knee to whatever He wills.

I don't claim to have it all figured out, but my heart's prayer is that I would be faithful to Him just as He is perfectly faithful to me.

Stacey

So I recently read a gal's blog that suggested instead of writing a "to-do" list, write a "did" list. Today, mine definitely would not look good but I'm posting it anyway. I sure had fun.

4:00a.m. woke up to our insane dog barking. got up to let him out. shook my head all the way back to bed.  OH. and I had a bowl of cereal. not the healthiest time to eat.

6:00a.m.ish woke up again as a thumb sucking 3 year old decided my bed is way better.
7:45 got up mainly because three kids were begging me to.

gave them breakfast
ate something myself
quick fb check
unloaded/loaded dishwasher
tidied up the house
folded clothes from the dryer/cycled one load through
made my bed
showered and dressed
got swim stuff together

10:30 Beth and her sweet girls arrived. YAY!
gave a quick house tour then off to the pool

11:00-1:30 swim, eat, and visit AND walked a three year old back to the house to change suits. (accidents sometimes happen)
1:40-4:00 swim and visit more

fixed kids a REALLY early, REALLY easy supper
ate a salad....and a Reese's Cup with a BIG glass of milk (maybe I should make "what I ate" lists instead)

here it is, 6:30. kids are getting pajamas on. Jake's are race car and the girl's are a little tacky but lovely princess gowns. (you know...the ones with life size Ariel, Aurora or Bell plastered on the front)
my evening? kids are going to bed soon....they're exhausted. Then I will hopefully post this, straighten up the kitchen and then stop for the night.

The Thumb Goes In, The Belly Button Must Be Found.

Real friends are one of life's biggest blessings and Beth has been mine since we were itty bitty kids. She brought a housewarming gift. It's beautiful and she's talented.

One of my very favorite things at the moment....

Just a little bit of my Tuesday.

Stacey

Yesterday evening, I caught a portion of two shows that are complete polar opposites. One, entitled, "17 Kids and Counting", as you probably know, profiles a home school family with values very similar to ones I was taught at home.  The other, "16 and Pregnant" obviously, is about young, single girls having babies.

Several things struck me as I was blinded by these contrasting life experiences. The first thing I pondered was, "How does God see these two vastly different situations?".    Sometimes I wonder if we have even a clue as to how Jesus would not only respond but how he  FEELS...what His perspective is on such different human plights.  Does it bother Him as much as it bothers us? He's not limited by human failures. He doesn't choose His vessels based on track records. 

Dear ole' David. Adultery, murder.....hmmm.  Peter DENIED even knowing Jesus. Talk about shame, guilt, and being sure you just bought a one way ticket straight to Hades!  Saul became Paul.  God told Hosea to marry Gomer, an adulterous woman.

How many times have we heard,
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." I Sam. 16:7b

Or in Galatians, Paul says, "As for those who seemed to be important-whatever they were makes no difference to me; God does not judge by external appearance-"

The HEART. All this external stuff we see with our eyes is just a manifestation of the condition of the heart.... which is what He is after!  Broken, hurting people don't know they were created with a purpose and are loved deeply by their Creator.
Of course we know this, right?! We've heard it a million times but has it really registered?

THE OBVIOUS: The Bible is full of admonitions to fear the Lord, honor your father and mother, be diligent, seek the Lord, etc. Godly principles are crucial. Making right choices means you reap huge dividends even here on earth. No doubt there's a way God designed us to live to bring honor to Himself and benefit us!

As a parent, my single greatest burning desire for my kids is that they would be HIS. That God would reveal Himself to them and that they would respond to Him. The question I constantly ask myself is what is the connection between training your children and God capturing their hearts? How much is in my control and exactly what is my responsibility?  If I do "A" and "B" and don't get "C" as my result, am I a failure as a parent? 

There are a million decisions to be made regarding our children. Public, private, or home school? Will they be allowed to date or "encouraged" to court? What movies are appropriate? Should we move to the middle of "No-wheresville" and be their sole influence up to a certain age? Or should we give them a solid foundation, spend time with them playing, teach them truth while letting them immediately, gradually be exposed to real life?

See, I've personally known people from various upbringings, where very different decisions were made regarding what they were allowed and not allowed to do, who all love God with all their hearts and are completely sold out to Him.
(Which says to me, "THERE'S NO FORMULA!") Darn it!!!   

So, I'm back to their little, precious hearts.  A very wise woman once spoke on God's heart in child rearing. The one thing she said that I think about at least weekly is,
"Rear your children in God's presence." (She spoke of Samuel growing up in the temple under Eli's guardianship- I Samuel.)  Let them see you seek the Lord, turning to Him in every situation. Have a transparent walk with them. Practice humility. Admit wrong, be willing to apologize.

 This is my only hope. I certainly won't do it all right but I can pray for them.
I can learn in humility as I go.
I can daily refuse fear.
I can tell them the truth and provide boundaries as led that will facilitate their learning to make wise choices.
I can respond in love and grace when they mess up and even humiliate me. Whether they are four and practically yell across a church, "Is it that big, fat girl?!", or if they are sixteen and throw a horrid party at my house when I'm out of town. (may it never be!! )

So, today, I'm deciding to TRUST my children and their "outcome" to Him. He is big enough to lead us in the decisions we make. My kids must decide what Master they will serve. Yes, I am a mother, but even that is not what defines me.
I am a child of the King designed for a relationship with Him!

Okay, seriously, I am determined to post a really breezy, lighthearted  blog next time!!

Stacey
 

We spent the holiday weekend with my parents at their little "getaway" spot. The weather was amazing....even a little bit cool.....which is very strange for this part of the country. It was nice having Brad with us for the weekend. For a brief moment, due to car trouble, we thought he wouldn't make it. BUT...where there's a will, there's a way!

 

Somewhere in the weekend, after a few conversations about some people's fear of commitment, disillusionment in how children "turn out", or the ever climbing divorce rate, I started thinking about ....expectations.

I thought about various things I've read about our beloved World War II generation. Guys that had spent years away from home, fighting a war on behalf of their nation and the people they loved, just wanted to survive. Many of them didn't expect to live, but if they should make it, they wanted nothing more than to get back home, marry their sweethearts, get a job, and live.  Drive a cab, work in their parents store, go to school.     ~Breathing was a blessing~ 

Somewhere along the way, we began to hope for, and even expect perfection from ourselves and those around us.

I started thinking about photography and how it's no longer enough to simply document the faces and places of a moment in time.   It must be edited, beautified, cropped, softened, and perfected.  It's got to look better than it actually is! 

(I'm NOT knocking editing!! I love it and will be doing it tomorrow. Photography is an art form and I believe God created and loves beautiful things....I think it honors Him when we use our tools and talents for creative expression.) .......just go with me on this for a moment and hear my heart. 

I thought about my grandmother's few cherished photographs. You do well to find one where everyone is smiling.  I thought about my parents wedding album and how much I love it. It was 1970. There were no frills, no "beautification" that happened in the photo development! But it's a treasure to me because of the people and time it represents.

Even our homes have become showplaces. Heaven forbid there be a basket of unfolded clothes on the sofa when someone drops by. Or....how dare the laundry room actually LOOK like a laundry room. The purpose of a house used to be to meet the need of shelter.  Our homes should be places of warmth, acceptance, and hospitality.
A safe haven.  (And if you can squeeze in some beauty here and there , then marvelous! Just don't make it the main ingredient.)

My challenge is this. Enjoy life for what it is.   LIFE.   
 
Accept the beautiful and the not so beautiful. The smooth rides and the bumps. Every  person, no matter how horribly imperfect they might seem has immense worth for reasons we can't see with our physical eyes.

Okay. That was a really long way to explain why this is a post filled with unedited photos from this weekend!  Some of them are a little out of focus and have crying children in them, but I LOVE them because of how much fun we were having when they were taken. Sometimes raw best captures reality.  

I love my Daddy's hands. Always have.

Before......

   

And After.....

That was NOT fun as far as she was concerned!

 

Dodge Ball is one their favorites.

Here's to FREEDOM in every way, shape, and form!

Stacey

    ~ Letting go.
To date, I've had to do this VERY little with my kids. Sure, I've trusted a few other people with them, Jake's ridden his bike around the corner, out of my sight, (but only for like 5 minutes-) I've taken them to to Sunday School and VBS, even though I didn't really know the teachers, but that's pretty much the extent of it.

Throughout their toddler years, I would say over and over again, "I've got it made right now. They are right here under my wing. I am their sole influence." It was cozy. I remember telling Brad at night how I loved having my three little ones right across the hall from me all tucked in their beds. I could be at any one of their sides in less than 10 steps.

I've repeatedly decided that I will do a good job of letting go. However, discerning when and how to do that is not a straight forward matter.

These children are on loan to me. They are little adults in the making, with a purpose assigned to them by God. They aren't MINE. I am to steward them to the best of my ability. (These are the things I routinely tell myself to get psyched up for the years to come!)

So, today, while at the pool, I noticed Jake and another boy about his size, wrestling in the water. (Which I realize is not cliff jumping or anything, but STILL! Some of these boys were years older and much bigger AND, Jake is just now getting really good in the water.) I watched for a minute and couldn't really tell if they were friendly wrestling or mad wrestling. I walked over and figured out they were playing but still told them to knock it off. I mean, who enjoys being grabbed around the neck and dunked under water?!   Jake, being the kid he is, nodded to me and stopped immediately. I returned to my chair and watched him quietly swim over to the side where I sat. This is where the epiphany occurred.

He said, "Honey, I was just playing. We were just playing. We were just going to have team mates and just play. I'll be fine."

His earnest little eyes bored a whole into my heart as he asked my permission just to be let go a little.
His "I'll be fine." struck me. I took the hint. He's a boy. A man in training and today, he needed to wrestle in the water! Of course, I responded with, "Sure, yeh, okay, that's fine."   Then I almost cried. DON'T say I have crazy pregnant hormones, though I do.... It was just such a tiny but real glimpse of the start of things to come.

Whether I am aware of it or not, things are never in my control. With every breath, I'm trusting in Someone bigger than myself. I'm guessing that for moms, trusting Him with our children must be at least one of the most challenging walks of faith.

They are HIS.....

It's been a challenging month for us in lots of ways....good but not easy. I've been a single mom of sorts since Brad is finishing up his fellowship five hours away. The new town, new house, clogged toilets, half un-packed boxes, energetic puppy and Brad's being gone, on top of the ever present responsibilities of mommy-hood, cooking, laundry, and being pregnant has made for a crazy June. Stress levels have been up a tad for everyone! 

The night before last, during a really great phone conversation with Brad, we aired some things that needed to be. We verbally acknowledged that we're all in a tough spot. We agreed we've got to dig down deep and just hang on. .....This too shall pass.....

Yesterday, the doorbell rang. "Who could that possibly be?! I haven't had a shower yet!"
I opened the door and my jaw dropped.  A grinning florist greeted my with the most beautiful dozen red roses I've ever seen.

He splurged on me.    It was an "I love you".....an unrequired display of his desire for my well being.

Thank you, baby.....you made my day!
Hang in there.....only five weeks to go.

I'm a neutral kind of girl. When it comes to my house, you could define me with the words khaki, black, beige, white, and maybe an occasional hint of blue.
However, I've been told by someone with great taste, "You really need a POP of color! It just POPS and looks great!"

My mom hasn't seen it but she asked, "Did you think about bringing swatches home to look at and just make sure you like it?"  Honestly, the thought never occurred to me. After spending over an hour in a fabric store with three kids and a very patient friend, I was leaving there with FABRIC! However.....in hindsight, that would have been a really great idea!

 

This fabric will be drapes, a chair, and pillows. My sofa is a dark brown leather and the fabric on the sofa is going to be another chair.

Enough with the decorating......there are more important things to talk about.

Like eating ice cream.....

 

 

This sweet child was about to fall asleep in her cone. It was 90 degrees but she loves the hat.

OR, even MORE important things like.......

Memorial Day morning......something was missing. And had been for oh....about 6 days.

Brad was on a mission. Ignoring my protests, unconvinced that it surely was not the case, he made a trip to the drugstore and came back quick as a flash with one little item.

Much, much, much....did I say "MUCH"?!!......to our surprise, we, evidently, are having another baby!

I walked around in a daze pretty much the whole day...the entire following week, for that matter.  Completely stunned. Smiling every time I thought of it. Shaking my head and laughing in wonder. Resisting the urge to laugh hysterically at Brad's face the moment the realization registered with him! 

One of the most hilarious things is that I sold my crib two days before I found out. Can you believe that?! Wow.

If it weren't for the heightened, hyper sense of smell, my shrinking bladder, the occasional "yuck" feeling in my stomach,  insane fatigue, an overwhelming desire to sleep, and the physical changes that are already appearing, I would still be in disbelief.

One of Brad's cutest comments, has been,
"Well! At least we're doing our part to re-populate the earth with people who have brains!"

I haven't been to the doctor yet. I always love the first time you hear the little heart beat. It's such a miracle and is so exciting for so many reasons.

We are so excited, humbled, and blessed by this sweet, impending surprise. 

Crazy to think there's another little Wall in there!